You just got dumped. Or you did the dumping. Or it was mutual but still feels like someone ripped your chest open and left the cavity exposed to the wind.
Congratulations—you’re officially human.
Everyone will tell you “time heals,” “go no-contact,” and “hit the gym.” Some of that is true. Most of it is recycled Instagram-caption nonsense that doesn’t touch the actual pain screaming inside your ribcage at 3:17 a.m.
Here’s what actually works in 2025, based on science, thousands of people I’ve helped crawl out of the pit, and my own spectacular heart explosions.
Stop trying to “Get over it” fast
The internet will sell 30-day healing programs and “detox your ex” challenges. That’s marketing, not healing.
Research from the Journal of Experimental Psychology (2023) shows that suppressing emotions after a breakup literally keeps the neural pathways to your ex lit up longer. The fastest way through is through—not around.
So cry in the shower. Scream in your car. Write the ancient letter that says every ugly, desperate, loving thing. Then burn it or delete it. The goal isn’t to feel better instantly. The goal is to fill it completely so your brain finally registers, “This is finished.”
Delete the Highlight Reel in Your Head
Your brain is lying to you right now. It’s editing together only the best 7% of the relationship—the vacation photos, the inside jokes, the sex on the kitchen floor—and playing it on loop.
Force-feed it reality. Make a “Why This Wasn’t Right“ list when you’re sober and rational. Be brutally specific: “He never texted back when I was having a panic attack.” “She mocked my dreams in front of friends.” “We fought every Sunday for two years straight.”
Read it when the nostalgia hits. Your memory is a manipulative filmmaker. Be the fact-checker.
The 90-Day Total Ex-Communication Rules (Yes, Ever the “Friendly” Texts)
In 2025 we have dates: every single “hey, how are you holding up?” text resets your dopamine system and averages 11-14 days (Helen Fisher, 2024 study on post-breakup neurochemistry).
Block. Minute. Archive. Whatever it takes. You’re not being dramatic—you’re protecting your nervous system. If they genuinely need to reach you later (shared dog, kids, whatever), they’ll find a way when you’re no longer bleeding.
Rebuild Your Identity (Because Half of it Just Walked Out the Door)
You weren’t “Sarah-and-Jack.” You were Sarah, who became a different version of herself in that relationship. Now that version is dead.
Mourn her. Then start creating the next evolution.
Do things you stopped doing because your ex hated them. Wear the clothes they mocked. Play the impressive playlist at full volume.
You’re not “finished yourself.” You’re building a new one, brick by humiliating brick.
The Body Keeps the Score —Move it
Grief lives in your fascia, your hips, and your clenched jaw. You can meditate all you want, but until you physically shake this off, it stays trapped.
Best science-backed options in no order:
- Boxing or any combat sport (rage has to go somewhere)
- Cold plunges (forces you into the present moment)
- MDMA-assisted therapy (legal in certain places now, insanely effective for processing attachment wounds—do your research)
- Ecstatic dance (yes, it looks ridiculous). Yes, it rewires your nervous system.
Stop Dating for at Least 6 Months (Sorry, Not Sorry)
Rebound relationships in 2025 are easier than ever—just open Hinge and swipe while crying. Resist.
The people who heal fastest are the ones who stay single long enough to remember what it feels like to be whole alone. You’ll know you’re ready when the thought of being single doesn’t create any panic spiral in your stomach.
Let Yourself Be the Villain in Their Story
They’re telling your friends you wear “crazy,” “controlling,” and “too much.” Good. Let them. The alternative is spending energy trying to control the narrative, which gives you tethers.
The moment you truly stop crying about how you look in their rearview mirror is the moment you’re free.
The One Thing That Actually Speeds Up Time
Create something that didn’t exist before the breakup.
A novel. A business. A garden
A viral TikTok series about taxidermy. Whenever you’re in a flow state, your brain literally fast-forwards healing. 6 months of deep creative focus can do the work of 2 years of “just getting through the days.”
Final Unisex Truth
One day—and it’s impossible to predict when—you’ll be walking down the street, coffee in hand, sun on your face, and you’ll realize you haven’t thought about them in 48 hours. And when the moment comes, you want to post about it. You won’t text them. You’ll just smile at how ferocious and tender and alive you turn out to be after thinking you’d survive this.
You will.
Not because time heals. But because you decide to become someone even more impossible to leave. You’ve got this. Now go feel everything—it’s the only way out.
